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When your average guy hears the word "hand job," it goes through a processing factory that spits it out to his brain as "Dry claw grip parade NOOOO. I'm tired, and I already brushed my teeth. Why are handies considered the embarrassing inbred cousin of the blow job? Because they're associated with the ultimate unsexy sexual attitude: Halfheartedness. We picture them being given in the backs of a car by an ambivalent, inexperienced teen girl to her desperate boner-addled boyfriend who is shorter than her. Or by a recently divorced mom who's too tired to have actual sex with her latest eHarmony date, but since Emma's with Bill for the night, and she cleaned the kitchen counter for company, and she knows that Bill is sleeping with that secretary at the firm, she feels like getting this schmuck off just for spite. It's just so sad.
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How to Give Him a Hand Job He'll Actually Like

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